My Life in a Want Ad

want ad

 

Who else feels like they must do it all and be at the top of your game ALL the time? My husband was talking yesterday about what a “WANT” ad would look like if he was trying to replace me. I’m sure I missed some things, but here’s what we came up with off the top of our heads:

 

WANTED: CARETAKER

Hours: 24/7

Requirements:
Must be good with small children.
Must be good with animals.
Must have excellent cooking skills.
Must cook on demand.
Must have excellent housekeeping skills.
Must have excellent organization skills.
Must be able to decode unknown languages.
Must be able to handle physical abuse that comes out of nowhere.
Must be able to handle 1-13 or more children by yourself at any given time.
Must be able to run errands at the drop of a hat.
Must be able to listen to or watch the same thing repeatedly.
Must be available to drive to various locations up to 2 hours away.
Must make out daily schedules.
Must wake up early.
Must stay up late.
Must be able to go weeks or months at a time without any time to yourself.
Must make frequent trips to the library for massive amount of books to read aloud daily.
Must deal with whining and back talking.
Must do laundry daily.
Must occupy children at all times.
Must do bookkeeping.
Must do sales from home.
Must be good at paperwork.
Must have excellent typing skills.
Must have good photography skills.
Must be able to tutor in all subjects.
Must be creative and think outside the box.
Must be a good listener.
Must be able to handle deadlines.
Must be ready for anything at the drop of a hat.
Must treat any medical issue that arises.
Must have knowledge of toxins and what to avoid.
Must be good at debating.
Must do well under pressure, especially when being rushed.
Must be adventurous.
Must be able to extinguish fires.
Must be able to handle wild children.
Must have caretaking skills.
Must have a good sense of humor.
Must keep the house fully stocked with food at all times.
Must enjoy board games and card games.
Must enjoy music and performances.
What would you add to this list if the ad was for YOU?
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